Hello friends,
I'd like to start by disclosing that this is an extremely stupid post devoted entirely to my hatred of couscous. Like all good writers, I try to discuss important hard-hitting topics and bring the real issues to life. So even if you are vehement cous-lover, I'm afraid you'll have to plough on.
All this has stemmed from me picking up the wrong orange packet from the supermarket. We're living back in our old flat which is half packed up, including the kitchen, so it's been easy, minimal-ingredient dinners for the past couple of weeks1. When we went to get thre groceries we were trying to be as frugal as possible while being in a rush, very lethargic and hungry, which is a dangerous combination for any kind of shopping. As I reached for one of my store cupboard favourite, giant couscous, I spotted the wholewheat version next to it. Well, we all need more fibre, so I thought I’d give it go. Not until I unpacked the bag when I got home did I realise that it was the normal-sized, rubbish couscous and not the delicious giant version.
There are very few foods that I hate. I made myself like parsley after years of thinking it tasted like licking the inside of an old drainpipe. I'm not that keen on sultanas in rice but I'll eat them if they're there. I'd rather not have pineapple on pizza but I respect your creative choices. However, my feelings for couscous are possibly even worse that hatred. I am completely apathetic to it, because it tastes like nothing. There's no real opportunity to put any love into it - what could we expect from it anyway after only a splash of hot water, a stir, and five minutes on the side to think about how it's the world's worst carb. At the most I can say it provides a texture to salads, but I suspect you would get the same effect with spoonfuls of any random material milled into tiny beads - off the top of my head: recycled paper, old bran flakes, those bits that come off your yoga mat. It's just there.
Now, giant couscous is in a different league altogether. It has bite and soaks up flavour like a desperate sponge. You can give it a bit of a fry so it's nice and nutty before you add stock and herbs, and it's a roasted vegetable's best friend. Presumably all the couscous-es are the same thing, just milled into different sizes, so it is baffling that the giant version is one of the great storecupboard staples while the normal version is the sad loser you might mistake for crumbs and sweep into the bin. I gave it go with the wholewheat couscous, we had it with spicy meatballs and avocado cream. It was quite a nice dinner, but that was because I put a spoonful of extra thick Jersey double cream that was snagged from the reduced section into the avocado, not because of the wretched couscous. I tried, I really did; there were herbs, butter, pepper and even miso paste at play. If miso won't do it, nothing will. Save yourself the bother and use literally anything instead: bulgar wheat, rice, millet, even quinoa (although I think we can all agree we’re glad the quinoa craze of 2023 is finally over).
All that remains is a sad half-empty packet of wholewheat couscous that may never again see the light of day. I can't throw it away because that would be extremely wasteful, but if you do happen to come round for dinner and see it on the table, know that I do not value our relationship. Unless I know that you really like it, in which case I'd cook it for you gladly. Not much of a risk of that though, because nobody really likes cous-cous.
I promise to try harder next week.
Deb
Are we moving any time soon you might ask? No, probably not and it's a long story. Come to think of it, I might be directing my anger about the moving process unfairly onto cous-cous but it's too long to find another topic now.
Hugs, moving is stressful even when it goes smoothly. I only use mini couscous in my version of tabbouleh. Large all the way. Also have you tried spelt? Even nuttier